My big toenail - Apparently, has decided it will remain black for the rest of my remaining days
My feet - honestly, so flat i have an anti-arch. i curve outward where i should curve inward
My ankles - jesus hell, they're skinny. they were meant to support shelley duvall in the shining-type weight, not marlon brando in don juan demarco
My right knee - tends to go completely stiff at inappropriate times, much like a middle school hard-on. It will be fine while I play basketball, but then will lock up as I walk back from the break room with a cup of coffee causing major spillage and embarrassment
My gut - jesus hell, it's fat. not solid fat like my grandpa buster - that's sexy fat. think more like the homer simpson fat where people punch him in the stomach and their hand gets stuck
My lower back - is easily offended and tends to hold nasty grudges
My right elbow - has decided to protest by developing a pretty little sac of pus or other disgusting fluid that is warm to the touch and hurts like hell. Ironic, since i am so completely left-centric, i never use my right arm anyways. maybe it's a form of protest for unequal treatment
My left fuck you finger - has decided to have a perpetual hangnail that hurts like hell and makes me feel like a total pussy
My left shoulder - doesn't hurt, but makes a really strange gear-on-gear grinding noise when I move it
My neck - is fine, provided i don't attempt to look quickly either left, right or backwards
My ears - Working less and less each day, which is actually ok on the court as I can't hear people snickering at me
My brain - has refused to age with the rest of my body. Still thinks my body should be able to do different things on the basketball court that, quite frankly, it never could do. Also, would jump at the opportunity to play again tomorrow if the situation arose.
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