Thursday, June 16, 2011

Breaking Down the Grocery List Left in our Cart at Cub Foods This Morning

This is the shopping list that was in the cart when we went to Cub this morning. After considerable debate - sometimes heated - KT and I came to the consensus that the list belonged to an WiWMM 70+YO (Widowed White Mature Male, 70 plus). I think his name is Floyd. KT is adamant it's Bert. For sake of compromise, I'll go with Frank here.

Let's break it down:

1. Coffee. Most likely Folgers. Half Caf. He still has some coffee left at home, but he wants to make sure he has enough for before and after church in the morning. Yes, they have coffee in the narthex of First Lutheran both before and after the service, but Frank doesn't get the point of standing around bull-shitting with a bunch of old hens. Plus, he needs to mow the backyard tomorrow.

2. Bread. Lunch. Frank still has some turkey left from when it was on coupon last week, but he ran out of bread. The bread will be wheat, most likely Country Hearth, because he hears Dave Lee and Mike Lynch talk about it all the time on the 'CCO in the morning. Depends on how much more expensive it is than the Cub brand - he'll decide in the bread aisle.

3. Suet. Frank loves watching the birds in the morning when he is drinking his coffee and listening to the Good Neighbor. He's got so dang many of 'em (a couple of cardinals even!) that he's out of suet again. Oh - wait - did Frank just pick up suet last weekend? He needs to go out to the garage and check.

4. Suet. No - he didn't pick any up last week, but forgot he had already written it down. After Frank writes suet again, he realizes his error, but why waste the ink crossing it off? He's already wasted the ink writing it twice. 

5. Ritz. Twins are on tonight. They're on the East Coast too, which is a huge bonus because they start an hour earlier. Frank is totally tapping these Ritz, along with two beers (cans) then a small whiskey water (more than two beers gives Frank heartburn) while he watches the Twins. The volume on the tv will be down, however, as Frank would rather listen to John Gordon call the game on the radio.

6. Half half. For the coffee. Duh. The only thing I can't figure out is why this is so low on the list, rather than right below coffee. Frank's not the kind of guy that jumps from one thing to the next. This doesn't add up - I'm open to suggestions here.

7. Candy. Assorted medley, bought from the bulk containers with the scoop. Included are root beer barrels, butterscotch kisses and cinnamons. These are kept in a dish next to his favorite chair in the living room. The butterscotch kisses will be gone first, followed by the root beer barrels. When there are only cinnamons left, it's time to get more. Frank will eat the cinnamons, but only so as not to be a waste. Frank used to search for a bulk bin that had just butterscotch kisses and root beer barrels, but he has long since accepted the fact that they don't exist - it doesn't even really bother him anymore. 

I love this list. I kept it. I want our lives to be this simple - I want this to be our grocery list. Next weekend when we go to Cub, KT and I are going to look until we find a cart with a list in it. We will then buy everything on that list. If it works out for us, we will have discovered a way to save a good hour every weekend.

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