1. Trim down the number of television shows I "have to" watch each week. There are now 12 shows that I must either watch live or DVR and watch later. This does not even include the Vikings and basketball hasn't even started yet (with a Wolves squad I am more excited about than any since MV3). Ridiculous. Damn you television for being so good. I have to pare down this list. Boardwalk Empire, Community and The Office - considered yourself officially warned. Eastbound and Down - you're safe.
2. Choose my clothing so that my better half doesn't feel compelled to say "What's up, Jimmy Buffet?" more than twice this month. I'm making it too easy for her. This one will be tough as I will actually have to think before getting dressed.
3. Use the following phrases/words more often: "thick and good", "one mas more" and "shit". Conversely, use the following phrases/words less often: "that being said", "seriously" and "fuck".
4. Consult my eldest cousin Mark Arlt once a week for either a recipe or words of wisdom. You can't go wrong with either. This is the man that introduced me to saurkraut soup and single-handedly shut down the inane and insane decades-long tradition of gift giving among the cousins at Christmas by saying, "I have stockpiled a whole closet full of grey sweatshirts and candles. If I draw your name, you will get a grey sweatshirt if you are a boy or a candle if you are a girl." Brilliant.
5. Find a thorough, interesting, thick and good book on the history (1600s to present day) of one of these three cities: Copenhagen, Stockholm or Munich. This must cover everything (growth patterns, transit trends, social issues) - not just wars. Fiction, I am officially breaking up with you again - this time I mean it. You just continually let me down. You're all sexy and shit on the surface, but you just leave me bored and annoyed if I spend too much time with you. Don't tell me I just haven't met the right fiction - I don't think it exists in this day and age.
Oh, and one mas more:
6. Find a kick-ass Halloween party to attend. We aren't having one this year. That being said (fuck! - i mean shit!), I still want to find a kick-ass Halloween party to attend, whether it be at someone's house or a bar. You know all those cozy Christmas cards and movies you see with families basking in the glow of their love for one another? Yeah, well, that's not really us, unless you replace the nativity scene with a severed head in the microwave. I've got my costume figured out, the kids both have legendary costumes figured out and everyone knows Kate will pull something brilliant out of her ass at the last second that will blow us all away. So, dear friends, don't let me down - where's the party?