Thursday, June 16, 2011

The Sprinkler

Much like an over-sugared eight year old, KT is always excited when she discovers a new way to swear.  Sometime in the last week (I haven't been able to pinpoint exactly when or whom to blame, but I have suspicions), she has discovered "The Sprinkler".

The Sprinkler:  Stand stationary, straight up and down with feet together.  Extend arms fully, creating 90 degree angles with the floor.  With palms facing up, form hands into fists.  Extend both middle fingers fully.  Rotate torso as far as able to the left and back to the right.  Repeat rapidly multiple times to create the illusion of full circles.  Imagine something like this:

We were treated to The Sprinkler twice today.  The first time was this morning when she discovered that 1) the coffee was not done yet, 2) I was going to watch "stupid German soccer" online than rather allow her to take the computer away and Farmville and 3) Audrey had commandeered the television.  She broke it out again this evening at the conclusion of "The American", which she agreed to watch with me only after I conceded that we could order Que Viet if she would allow me to turn it on.  By the way, this Sprinkler was well deserved - the movie sucked.

The Sprinkler, broken down on a 5-star scale:

Originality: 4 stars.  Pretty good, really - much better than "The Pistons", where KT simply holds both middle fingers in front of her and furiously alternates pumping them up and down.

Form: 4.5 stars.  KT excels here as she is flexible enough to sell the full circle illusion.  I imagine if I were to try it, it would look like there was a kink in the hose and the sprinkler were receiving sporadic bursts of water pressure rather than a steady flow - KT pulls it off beautifully, however.

Effectiveness: 3 stars.  As usual, this is KT's weak point, as the tell-tale slight biting of the lower lip to suppress a smile while she executes the Sprinkler removes all traces of anger and/or malice.

Overall: 3 and three 3/4 stars which places it firmly ahead of the aforementioned "Pistons" but not as high as the rarely heard but always effective "Hey Dumbass".

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