Thursday, June 16, 2011

The Unemployment Chronicles, Part Two

I'm almost two weeks into this unemployment thing now and although it wouldn't be fair to say I'm going bat-shit nuts yet, there is only so much time a person can put into job searching before they either want to hit the bottle or step in front of a bus.  Although my enjoyment of drinking is well-documented, I find it gets exhausting after a day or two and I'm way too big of a sugartit when it comes to pain to step in front of a bus. So, I've been filling my days with other things - some productive, some not so much.  A sampling:

- Working my way through the Foreign Language genre of Netflix (built in close-captioning!).  I've just about completed Germany, have waded into Scandinavia and have France in my cross-sights.  I've thought about offering reviews and/or suggestions, but realized that every movie I see is categorized in one of three ways:

1.  Jerk-off motion
2.  Meh
3.  Holy crap, what else has that actor/actress/director done and is it on Netflix?

Not a very in-depth analysis but then again Siskel and Ebert made a career of only going thumbs up or down, so I have them beat by one.

- Entertaining and researching the thought of going back to school for a teaching degree or something similar.  I don't know how serious I am about this, but I've gone so far as to send a few emails and do a bit of investigating into classes, etc.  If I go this route, I see very few scenarios where I won't end up being a real life version of Pierce from Community.

- Dwelling/fantasizing on what it would be like to really shake things up and move to a different country.  I've gone pathetically into detail here, from googling English language jobs to searching for apartments (even street-viewing them).  I've narrowed it down to three cities - G├Âteborg, Hamburg or Rotterdam.  I think Rotterdam is in the lead because any city that can be cool with a name like that has to have something going for it.  I haven't yet decided whether or not to take the opinions of the rest of the family into account here.

- An ass-load of reading.  Between long days and seemingly longer commutes, I really, really missed this over the past few years.  One of the huge determining factors in my next job is finding something I can take the bus to so that I have no excuse not to get a solid hour of reading in.  Here is what I've knocked out in the past two weeks:

1.  Transit Maps of the World - Mike Ashworth, Mark Ovendon.  This really doesn't count as reading as it is 90% maps, but it's fascinating and beautiful all the same.  Some people like Renaissance Art, I like maps (particularly mass transit maps) and I'm not going to apologize for it.  Finding this book was like finally finding that porn fetish that really "does it" for you.

2.  The Sociopath Next Door - Martha Stout.  Not a fiction title, which makes it all the more disturbing.

3.  Tor! The Story of German Football - Uli Hesse-Lichtenberger.  I loved this book.  I wouldn't really recommend it, however, as the subject matter appeals to a pretty limited percent of the population (nerds, wannabe euros, unemployed - maybe not such a small percentage after all).

4.  Kings of Infinite Space - James Hyne.  I'm about halfway through this and at the rate I'm going I'll be done by tonight.  I still can't decide if it's a comedy, thriller, horror story or something in-between.  I say that not out of frustration, however.  It's kind of like Office Space meets the Shining.  I'm hooked on it.  

-  The cliched not-shaving bit.  Made all the more pathetic and pubic-like by the fact that no hair grows on my cheeks

Also, as a bonus and because what the fuck else have I got to do, here are a few things I haven't done yet, but figure can't be far off:

-  thought about going off the grid completely and living off the land.  I'd be dead within 3 days.
-  painted my house, which i really should do
-  had a torrid (or tepid) affair with a neighborhood lady, although I have been invited to coffee by a couple (*wink* - how you doin' ladies? you know who you are)
-  considered getting pregnant to find meaning in life by smothering a baby with my OCD tendencies.  

Ok, maybe it is fair to say I'm going bat-shit nuts.

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