Thursday, June 16, 2011

The 4500 Pound Experiment

Several people I know, and several I didn't before tonight, have agreed to join a 90 day weight loss challenge.  The rules are simple - we weighed in tonight and 90 days from now we will weigh in again.  Whomever has lost the greatest percentage of their original weight will win the $25 entry fee that everyone ponied up.

Normally I would absolutely not agree to something like this, but I genuinely like the participants (for those participants reading this - don't worry, you will remain anonymous unless you give me permission to "out" you) and I'm not in denial of the fact that I amseveral pounds heavier than I should be.  Also, I love the fact that the weigh in doubled as a happy hour and the final weigh will double as a giant orgiastic party.

The end (or beginning would be more accurate) result was 20 guys, about 4500 pounds and a wickedly funny message board for the participants.  My favorite posts so far:

1. "When I heard about this contest, I decided to hold off on some manscaping efforts until after weigh-in. Can you ladies say "instant 4 pound head start"? Sorry suckers."

2. " The day has come. Enter. Your body is a temple. And remember, masturbation burns 65 calories an hour. So, for most of us that's like 2 calories a day."

3.  "I'm not chubby, I'm kinda fat. Not Wal-Mart fat, more like Target fat."

4.  And the simple yet elegant post that began "Hey Fatskies"

So, here we go.  I figure being brutally honest every step of the way can only help.  

Things I have going for me:

1.  I work for a Fitness company for chrissakes.  Everyday I am flooded with talk and images of fitness, health and weight loss.  Inevitably, some of that is going to sink in -by pure osmosis if nothing else.  I have a gratis gym membership and a roster of about 30 people I can get together at almost anytime to play basketball.

2.  It's competitive weight loss.  Make it a competition and I'm there - be it weight loss, breath holding or farting.  My brother said it best this weekend - "Anything can be a competition".  (We subsequently spent the weekend trying to find the best hiding place in one another's things for the unbelievably rancid dried Ukranian fish that was given as a gag gift.  Because the dog dug the one out of his shoe, he wins for stuffing one in my wallet - i'm extremely bitter about this and plotting revenge).

3.  I live with the following two people:  Das Food Führer and Dr. KT the Tough Love Gestapo.  

Ever since Audrey first learned that food affects your health in kindergarten (damn you Mrs. Zimba), she goes on a kick about three of four times a year about how we are going to become the "Healthy Kruses".  She then proceeds to scrutinize everything everybody ingests for several days until she is convinced that it is more important that the whales be saved and begins to focus on that (usually a week or two).  I figure if I can just explain to her that I am damn near big as a whale, she will focus entirely on me for a solid few months.

Dr. KT the Tough Love Gestapo knows all and holds nothing back.  Example one -when contemplating how I would be able to refrain from drinking beer for three months (see below), I thought maybe a could have a whiskey-water or vodka-club instead when I wanted a drink.  Her response was, "It all turns to sugar, so you are fucked either way."  Example two - way back around the age of 30 I seriously considered getting a tattoo.  Problem was, I had no idea what kind of tattoo to get.  Tired of my indecisiveness, Dr. KT the Tough Love Gestapo gave the following advice: "Why don't you just get a pussy, cuz that's what you are."  Needless to say, my skin is free of ink to this day.  You can't buy that kind of boot camp tough love.

Things I have going against me:

1.  Beer.  I love beer.  There is really nothing about beer I don't love.  I can give up candy.  I can give up cake, cookies, chips, etc.  Beer is going to be tough.  Without beer, I won't know what to do during football games, happy hours, parent/teacher conferences, etc.  This one will be tough.  Even if whiskey didn't "just turn to sugar", it wouldn't be the same.

2. Let's face it, I can be a lazy S.O.B. sometimes.  I genuinely enjoy spending a day with the following agenda: Wake up, coffee, paper/internet, television, nap, more television, more internet, bed.  That's a full day - I don't see any time in that schedule for exercise.

I'll update when I am inspired.  Wish me luck.

Day One:
Weight - 235
Mood - Fired up
Slip ups - just the two beers I had at weigh in.  However, considering they were only 2 minutes after the contest began, that's really not anything to be proud of.

No comments:

Post a Comment